How I felt this morning when I woke up.

Never Let Your Past Stop You From Moving Forward

Everyday is a constant learning experience. I personally learn something new everyday.  As human beings we've all made mistakes from the time we were kids up until our current status of adulthood. The mistakes I've made as a child, teenager, young adult, to now, has molded me in many ways to be the woman I am today. I am certain I'm not perfect. No one is. If I were perfect, I definitely would've never done some of the things I've done, or still make mistakes today as I grow older. I believe mistakes are inevitable as are changes. The choices we make live with us everyday whether they are minor or major. We must accept the consequences of our decisions, take ownership, and learn from what ever choice we've made.

By the time I was a teenager, well...a lot of the time, I was too dumb to consider the fact I was even making a mistake. I felt that I could never be incompetent enough to make mindless, senseless decisions. I was such a narcissist. In my own eyes, I was "THE" perfect child. I believed I was not capable of doing any wrong. I didn't account for my poor decisions. Then..."Uh mistakes, What are those?" My parents, teachers, and most adults, were just talking, and why were they always tripping on me? With the exception of a few uncles, cousins, friends, and about three of my teachers. Their opinions seemed to matter to me. I'm not saying I didn't listen to my parents or other adults, because I did listen, their voices just did not register sometimes. Information went in one ear and out the other. I felt as if they didn't understand me. The only people that could relate to my everyday shenanigans were the few I named, they were whom I confided in most. They knew me. The real me, so I thought. I did not empathize with my parents. It didn't fully process that every adult had been all up in my shoes, that most of them had been there done that. 

Growing up in Oakland, I've seen a lot, done a lot, been through a lot. I cursed a lot, smoked weed, drank alcohol, cut school, had sex as a teen, ran away from home, you name it. I did way too much, I was slightly reckless, but still "feared" what my parents would do if they'd found out how irresponsible I was being. I must've thought I was grown or something. In hindsight back then I didn't know shit! Now at the age of 35, I can reflect and think of about a thousand mistakes or more I've made prior to the woman I've grown to be currently. I'm definitely not the naive little Oakland girl I used to be. We learn from trial and error. I was young, with my materialistic, sometimes smart mouth, rebellious ass. My mother had to deal with my consequences and the backlash of my poor decision making. Looking back today, I know my parents wanted me to learn things on my own. My parents taught us the importance of independence. There were plenty of  lecturing during family discussions that I can now relate to while having similar discussions with my children. Additionally I was merely acting out. Maybe if I would have made better choices the outcome of my consequences could've resulted in less complications. 

My mother was probably my biggest victim. In reality she really was the closest person to me. She supported me, encouraged me, and taught me a lot about being a strong woman. She dealt with all of me, yet she knew what to do to tame my ass frequently. Pippa Johnson didn't play that shit! Now that I'm grown with children of my own, I'm learning the many responsibilities of adulthood. Everyday I'm growing, maturing, trying to find my way. My grown self is now very aware there are consequences for every decision I make. The end result for every choice I make will effect everyone around me, mainly my children, I'm aware I must make mindful decisions. Yes, I have made poor choices grown and all that had its affects on my family a time or two. I've learned during those times I can't let my mistakes stop me from moving forward. I accept them as they come along and move on. No need to worry about yesterday's challenges. 

When we're young, we're just coasting through life without a care in the world. We never know the value or appreciate the value of our lives or others.

 I've gained an immense amount of knowledge from the mistakes I've made over time. I try not to live my life in regrets. If it were something that I did at that moment, it's something that I obviously wanted to do. I've learned if I've made a mistake it's ok. Breathe and do better the next time. I strive to apply my previous life's experiences to my everyday life. If it weren't for my life, the inevitable changes, ups and downs, bad times, good times, God's many humbling experiences, who knows where I would be today. Now I appreciate all the lectures, getting put on punishment for having low grades, the arguments, etc. I just know we shouldn't hold on to negative things from our past that may hinder us today. Meaning choices, mistakes, what ever it may be. When you know better do better. Don't let past or present mistakes stop you from achieving what ever your heart desires. 

Yes... Let's all make at least 1 person smile today.

To Date or Not to Date

As a single woman it can be difficult to date after being in a relationship. I am hard on myself when it comes to dating. I conflict with myself often with the idea of dating new people. I want to date at times because I miss the companionship. More often though I sometimes miss the notion of having a boyfriend, a friend, socializing, getting dressed up, companionship, going out, having fun, or hanging out with someone I can get to know on a personal level. I tend to have too many reservations and personal expectations when it comes to dating.  Am I being too hard on myself?

I was asked the question by a close friend, "why don't you date?" I didn't have a concrete answer on why. I gave more than one answer that probably didn't make sense. I guess you can say I was beating around the bush when it came to giving a definite answer. The question was harder to answer than I'd thought it would be. Deep down inside I cannot pin point or rationalize my own personal reasons for why I don't date. I presume in my own case, my reasons in my head are very logical. The question still remains partially unanswered. I needed to ask myself, dig deep, and come up with real answers to the question Lady KJ...why don't you date?

At first I didn't want to date anyone because I felt that I wasn't ready after my breakup. I'd previously been in a long relationship that may have potentially scarred me or that's what I'd tricked myself into believing. Initially I felt it was too soon to date, although after becoming single I did have a few male friends that I texted and even had a few casual encounters with over the years. I mean damn, I've been officially single since 2013. However, it still doesn't give me the urge to want to date. I've mentally tricked myself into believing that dating automatically turns into a relationship. I missed the part about dating that was supposed to be fun and casual.

Again I can only speak for myself when it comes to my own reasons for why I date or not. I have mixed emotions about dating often. I don't go out on dates because I feel that every man has the same intentions or maybe I assume intended sex will be the end result for why we went on a date in the first place. Are there any men that just want to hang out and has the same intentions I have? I guess I will never know until I shake the idea of all men are the same.  

Another reason I choose not to date is because the thought of getting to know some one new is hard for me. I am aware that all men are not the same, but when it comes to dating, what will make one person stand out from the other? It's my own fault half of the time because deep down inside I'm afraid to explore. As a single woman I shouldn't be afraid of companionship. Better yet, I shouldn't be afraid to step out and have fun. I always ask myself am I the only person dealing with my own repercussions because I have yet to step out of my own comfort zone?

Snippets of me... Jamaica

     It's morning here. I don't have an idea of what time it is right now. At home I have a built in alarm clock that normally wakes me up everyday at 3 am. The sun here has not risen yet. The sky is dark blue right now. It looks as if could still be night time. The view though from my patio is exquisite. The panoramic view of Jamaica's beach and palm trees are staring boldly in my face, with not enough words for me to explain this utterly beautiful scenery!
     Sitting here in the chair with my gown, robe, and slippers on, lounging with my feet propped up on the other chair. The tropical birds sound different. They don't chirp and sound like the birds in California. They sound exotic. I inhale the warm humid air. It smells like ocean water. So far since I've been sitting out here I have only seen employees walking around the premises making preparations to the resort. It seems like they're working, maintaining the resort's upkeep, so it continues to remain immaculate for the residents staying here.
     I can definitely see myself making this an annual vacation spot. For anyone that has not been to Jamaica, I recommend every one should go at least one time in their life. Not because it's a beautiful amazing place to vacation, but to have the experience under their belt. There's so much knowledge, history, and culture in Jamaica. Everyone seems to have a genuine soul here, I mean everyone.
     The plane ride here was long. I felt anxious inside, but humble. I feel that every one I came encounter with prior to my arrival here, was merely preparation and a part of God's plan. I'm here in Jamaica because I'm supposed to be here. God would't have had it any other way, or at least that's how I feel about my presence here. Everything in life happens for a reason. I've met some pretty amazing people on my journey here so far.
     I feel good all over. I've been smoking by myself, reflecting, and writing since I've been out here on the patio. With each exhale that follows my inhale, I like to think that I'm blowing out all of yesterday's bullshit. There is no need to hold on to life's problems, shit blow them out and breathe. I wish that I could apply that advice to my life when I'm at home. Breath and live your life the way that God has intended for you to live. I'm still learning, but with each experience, I've grown. I'm still growing. I'm blowing out the negativity that was never meant to enter my body in the first place. During my period of growth, my life is going through a metamorphosis. I am a caterpillar forming into a butterfly.
     With my current fascination of this beautiful view, my love for this peaceful moment, I can't think of any troubles I may be having back home. I left them at home in California.
     The sky is finally lighting up. The sun is slowly rising on the ocean's water. I feel a sense of calmness here. The reflection of the sun is orange on top of the blue water. My view is mesmerizing. I'm in tropical bliss. The clouds float by, each with it's own unique shape and size. Although it's brighter outside, I still don't know what time it is. Hell, I don't know what my face is looking like either. I didn't wash off my mascara and eyeliner before I went to sleep. Last night my main goal was getting under the covers and successfully closing my eyes.
     I'm not sure what plans we have in store for today because we barely touched down yesterday evening. All that I know is I am determined to make the best of this experience. So far I am loving it here. So with that being said enjoy every moment in life whether it is good or bad. Learn from each experience and continue to grow. Step out on faith and remain optimistic. Life is not always gonna be easy however I

am focused and determined to lead a joyous life. These are snippets of me... Ms. Johnson's universe while in Jamaica.

E-Wood ft The Kuddie Var: Ain't Yo Bitch Video

Don't sleep on this song right here!

Toxic Relationships

We often get in toxic relationships with family, friends, and significant others that we are not always aware of. After reading this confirms signs of being in a toxic relationship. They're so unhealthy! We may misconstrue the toxic behavior from our loved one(s) as love received from them, yet at times we ignore that it's unhealthy for us. As it states that it is ok to love from a distance. I believe that it's what a lot of us may need to do to gain a healthy happy life for ourselves!

http://pinterest.com/pin/466685580113933282/?s=3&m=blogger

Check it out!

Check out @ewoodelhefe's Tweet: https://twitter.com/ewoodelhefe/status/612473801943547904?s=09

Yes.

Make this year your best year ever! 5 resolutions that everyone can do to have a better year! - http://pinterest.com/pin/AQpSdF47VNz2MegMEEVOb2I9uITqbIy9aHNUo9k2R7jBf7KVNOfKAEk/?s=3&m=blogger

I love shoes!

A lot of the time I want to be comfortable yet feel cute at the same time. I love wedges because they provide lots of stability for novice heel wearers.
Coral wedges - super cute - http://pinterest.com/pin/412923859562500773/?s=3&m=blogger

E. Wood of Certified Nuttz

Listen to "Stripper" New Hottt!!! Twerk song by The CERTIFIED NUTTZ #np on #SoundCloud http://soundcloud.com/certified-nuttz/stripper-twerk

Lovin It! By Certified Nuttz

Listen to LOVIN IT by The CERTIFIED NUTTZ #np on #SoundCloud http://soundcloud.com/certified-nuttz/lovin-it

Lesson's learned by chance

This past week for me was one of the hardest weeks that I've had in a while. I can't quite pin point though why my thoughts, job, home, children and everything else overwhelmed me. My emotions were all over the place. I wanted to feel happy, yet daily trials consumed my mind, body and soul.

This past week was a reaffirmation of where I stand with certain individuals in my life. I didn't understand within myself why I was under the impression that things were going to be different though. I guess I was in denial about my past, ignoring my present and afraid of what's to come in my future. Clearly that was just the enemy playing with my mind.

As I begin a new week I was able to recapture my past events, evaluate where I truly stand , and move forward. I can't continue to dwell negatively on what's been going wrong. I went through a lot this past week, however I am aware that hard times shouldn't hinder my progress to move forward and proceed with with what God has in store for my future.

I am now taking more time for myself. I have begun assessing what I need to continue to do in order to to reach a few goals that  have set for myself. After doing that, I started to feel a sense of freedom, as if a burden was lifted from my shoulders. I've decided to keep being the best person that I can be by remaining positive, humble and putting forth an effort at all times. My grind can't stop because I've experienced a few bad days last week.

In conclusion...I can't allow the negative impact of others to be the reason I don't follow my heart or dreams. I have children that need me, motivate, and inspire me. I'm a strong woman and no one can take that from me.

Review: " How To Get Out Of Your Own Way"

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As much as I love Tyrese...his music, his movies and his books, I was finally given the opportunity to read and now take the time out to write a review for his book entitled, "How to Get Out of Your Own Way." I should have written this blog months ago after I read the book but in the process of procrastinating on what I wanted to write about, I myself was going through some humbling experiences of my own that encouraged me to have regards and relate to some of the scenarios given in the book. For those of you that have not read the book, it definitely is a good read.

“How to Get Out Of Your Own Way,” was a remarkable story told by multi-talented super star, multi-platinum recording artist Tyrese Gibson. The story behind Gibson was informative and can be inspirational to an audience of all ages. Gibson delivers a positive message to the youth that encourages youngsters to make responsible choices by not allowing negative influence of peers that can persuade one to make bad choices for them individually. “I want you to concentrate on your own goals before thinking about someone else’s. Dropping out is not an option, so you have to stay focused on school, and if your friends are leading you  down the wrong path, surround yourself with a better circle of friends.”

Gibson reminisces about priceless childhood memories that motivated him to become the successful man that he has grown into today. Gibson had a phenomenal way of capturing his childhood and expressing the hardships he experienced with his family. He spoke of good times as well but he knew as a young boy that he would eventually be in pursuit to have a more extravagant life. Gibson grew up in the streets of Watts, Ca. Indeed, Gibson endured hardships as a child exposing him to domestic violence, drugs & alcohol, and even worst being subjected to a vicious environment that he as a male was forced to survive in. Gibson then had to make a choice, “to eat or get eaten.”

Additionally the book offers valuable life lessons that every reader can relate to, such as making positive changes in our lives for the betterment of our future. Gibson covers becoming a father, the different levels of being in a solid relationship with your mate, friends, peers, and business associates. I definitely recommend picking up the book from the library or a local bookstore, to enjoy the more personal side of Tyrese Gibson. He is a entrepreneur, singer, book writer, actor, model and completed many milestones. He has achieved nothing but success in his career since his first start of stardom in a Coca Cola commercial. make sure you sit back and enjoy this book by allowing yourself to be inspired, being more optimistic about new opportunities and making changes that are meaningful in your life by “Getting out of your own way.”

The hardest way to miss someone is to be in the same room with that person and not be able to look into their eyes and share a glance, hoping that the other person is still  feeling the same way. The easy part is remeniscing, remembering all of the intimate secrets that you have once shared, the laughs, the talks, hugs, kisses, and everything else that comes with being in a relationship.
It seems that all that you have to yourself are your thoughts and memories. Good, bad, and ugly! No one can take that away from you. A lot of the time, we can not change who we have feelings for and  who we fall in love with.
Has there ever been a person in your life that has impacted your life in so many ways and they don't know it? Or has there ever been a person in your life that every time you see that individual, no matter if you see that person daily, or you barely see that person, and once you see that person again, all of your old repressed feeling resurface as if it was the first time you fell for that person all over again. Yes of course it is extremely hard for some people to be verbally expressive, or they choose to not to be precise on how they're feeling or felt about that certain someone because of trust issues, or fear of being hurt, rejection and the list can go on. 
We always tend to take our relationships (family, friends, significant others etc.) for granted until it is gone or too late to get back. We as people need to get off of our high pedestals, and not be afraid to tell them how you're feeling, that you love them, need them, or flat out and say I'm sorry. The moral to this blog and inspiration today is family. Swallow your pride, Love the people that you love and don't be afraid to flaunt it. You only have one life to live, so live your life to its full potential and enjoy it. Have a great day Blog world.

It's time for New Beginnings!

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

-Harriet Tubman

Last night I went to bed with the enemy (devil) on my back. This morning I woke up with him in my face. At times I can be in denial about my feelings or not very open about what's going on with me personally. Not necesarrily lying, I just have my own personal issues with expressing how I'm feeling. I can honestly say that I am overwhelmed with all that life has in store at this current moment.  Every day has become more challenging but still pretending deep down inside that I'm ok. I woke up this morning with negativity thrown in my face. It seems as if now I'm dealing with a real life enemy and not just the devil. I don't have very many friends that I deal with on a regular basis but the close family and the friends that I choose to keep around are close. I feel as though right now friends and family can be your biggest enemy when they want to be. I'm sad to know that no matter what cheek you turn they will still find a way to slap it. I thought I was distant enough from everyone but I guess I'm not distant enough.  My point of this blog is that just because a person is nice or not it doesn't give anyone the right to be disrepectful, or the right to mistreat someone. Its not fun having enemies or frienemies. I'm a firm believer in Family 1st, loyalty, and honesty and would rather be left alone than surrounded by a bunch of fakes! I needed to get that off of my chest today! I'm praying for a better tomorrow!

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU WILL ONLY MAKE YOU STRONGER

What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger!

Growing up I have always heard the analogy "What doesn't kill you will only make you stonger" and never really understood the saying until I was an adult and was forced to be faced with hard times. We are all faced with obstacles and challenges given to us from God that we must get through to be able to move to the next phase or next plan that God has in store for us. We should never question the work of God, I'm guilty though. I do it often as we all do. We always question his work when we are going through the storm and feel like we can't handle what ever is going on at the moment, we always wonder why.

These past few years and moving forward has been hard for everyone. Deaths, issues with finances, a lot of people are losing their jobs and still losing homes due to the economy being so chaotic along with a bunch of other personal issues that life graces us with everyday.

Yes everyday is not always going to the same as yesterday , and yes things may not always go the way we want or expect them to go. Life is not always supposed to be easy, but if you believe in a higher being and remain hopeful and positive everyday then life won't be so hard either. We're only human. It's hard to deal with turmoil, and stress in your life and is expected to carryon with your dailly routines as if nothing is going on. I try to live my life that way and take things one day at a time. I don't believe that is the case all the time though.

With that being said, no matter what you as an individual is going through, just know that there is always some one that is going through more or have it worst than you can imagine. Keep in mind that if God brought us to it, then he will always bring us through it. Stay positive no matter what is in store for for you, and remember... what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.

Another post... I am disturbed by people and their actions.

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This quote is absolutely true. I don't get people these days.

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