What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger!
Growing up I have always heard the analogy "What doesn't kill you will only make you stonger" and never really understood the saying until I was an adult and was forced to be faced with hard times. We are all faced with obstacles and challenges given to us from God that we must get through to be able to move to the next phase or next plan that God has in store for us. We should never question the work of God, I'm guilty though. I do it often as we all do. We always question his work when we are going through the storm and feel like we can't handle what ever is going on at the moment, we always wonder why.
These past few years and moving forward has been hard for everyone. Deaths, issues with finances, a lot of people are losing their jobs and still losing homes due to the economy being so chaotic along with a bunch of other personal issues that life graces us with everyday.
Yes everyday is not always going to the same as yesterday , and yes things may not always go the way we want or expect them to go. Life is not always supposed to be easy, but if you believe in a higher being and remain hopeful and positive everyday then life won't be so hard either. We're only human. It's hard to deal with turmoil, and stress in your life and is expected to carryon with your dailly routines as if nothing is going on. I try to live my life that way and take things one day at a time. I don't believe that is the case all the time though.
With that being said, no matter what you as an individual is going through, just know that there is always some one that is going through more or have it worst than you can imagine. Keep in mind that if God brought us to it, then he will always bring us through it. Stay positive no matter what is in store for for you, and remember... what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
How do you?
Dedicated to my beautiful mother Pippa Elaine Johnson. May you continue to inspire me to do what I love. May your memory live on through me, and may your soul Rest in Peace. I love you dearly...your daughter Kia Nicole Johnson.
I was always taught to be strong and independent. My mother never really cried in front of me. To be honest the only time that I've ever really seen my mother cry was when there was a death in the family. I grew up in Oakland Ca, where you were taught to to live and be a certain way. It's a lifestyle that you can get caught up in if you made/make certain choices. To my defense growing up there had some benefits and also some down falls as well. I grew up with majority boys, Im not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I say that because growing up around them contributed to my mentality and the way I think about things pertaining to life in general. I also had a mother that was kind, feisty, but yet she was spunky and didn't take mess from anyone.
She always taught me to stand up for me and what I believed in, to be independent and always do what made/ makes me happy. Being the type of person that I have always known myself to be, I know for a fact that I am stong but yet sensitive. Sometimes I may be extra sensitive for all the wrong reasons. I don't believe I was ever taught to mourne or properly grieve the loss of a loved one. I have always wondered if I had taught myself or forced myself to deal with past deaths because I have experienced a lot of loss in my life.
Losing my father by the age 23 was really hard for me to deal with. I felt discontinued from the world, disapointed and hurt amongst other feelings I was dealing with. However I had my Mother to turn to for comfort. She helped me get through at the time was one of the hardest times of my life.
Having my mother there and knowing that she would always be there in anytime of need, gave me a sense of assurance. I learned to hold my head up high, be strong and bury the pain deep down inside. There has been times though that I have broken down but I would just force myself to focus on other things instead of greiving. After a few years went by; although I knew deep down inside I had not properly dealt with the loss of my father, I had came to a point in my life to where I was able to get through my day to day life.
March 2011 I lost my grandmother, my father's mother. At the time of her death my mother was in the hospital recovering from a stroke. It killed me inside to know that the person I would normally turn to for comfort and assurance was not available in the way that I needed her to be.
My brother and myself flew down to Mississippi to say our last goodbyes our grandmother. During my time there with my father's family, it resurfaced a lot of old harbored feelings that I had forgotten I had. I've always known though that I had never properly dealt with the death of my father.
On the entire fight back to California , I had felt all of these mixed emotions. I had almost felt as if I had lost my father all over again, even though my sole purpose was to be there for my family and say my last goodbyes to my grandmother. I cried the whole time from Mississippi to Sacramento.
It took me a few weeks to gather my composure and almost feel normal again. In a sense, after crying my eyes out and reflecting on everything that I had endured at the time of my father's death, I felt that I had finally found closure from his death.
Moving forward, God had other plans for me. I felt that he gave me the opportunity to say my last goodbye to my grandmother, which allowed me to seek closure for losing my father, but also preparing me for the next hurdle that I would have to overcome. A few months short thereafter, I was faced with the biggest loss of my life. I lost my mother, the one person in the world that understood my everything if it made sense or not.
Now we come to the subject at matter. What is the right way to mourn someone? Since the death of my mother, it is still unbelievable to me. I know that I still haven't properly grieved her death. There are still all of these unanswered questions that linger in my mind. Everyday I am mentally fighting with my thoughts because I have not dealt nor accepted in my mind that she is gone. I also know that my unanswered questions will remain unanswered for the rest of my life.
When it comes to my mother, there is this continuous hurt that sits on my heart, I feel deep down inside that the type of pain that I have been feeling will never go away. With that being said, how do you grieve? Either way I still need to find an effective way to deal with my loss. If I don't I will continue to feel lost.
I miss her dearly. She will always remain in my heart and soul. I love her so much . May her soul rest in peace.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)