As a single woman it can be difficult to date after being in a relationship. I am hard on myself when it comes to dating. I conflict with myself often with the idea of dating new people. I want to date at times because I miss the companionship. More often though I sometimes miss the notion of having a boyfriend, a friend, socializing, getting dressed up, companionship, going out, having fun, or hanging out with someone I can get to know on a personal level. I tend to have too many reservations and personal expectations when it comes to dating. Am I being too hard on myself?
I was asked the question by a close friend, "why don't you date?" I didn't have a concrete answer on why. I gave more than one answer that probably didn't make sense. I guess you can say I was beating around the bush when it came to giving a definite answer. The question was harder to answer than I'd thought it would be. Deep down inside I cannot pin point or rationalize my own personal reasons for why I don't date. I presume in my own case, my reasons in my head are very logical. The question still remains partially unanswered. I needed to ask myself, dig deep, and come up with real answers to the question Lady KJ...why don't you date?
At first I didn't want to date anyone because I felt that I wasn't ready after my breakup. I'd previously been in a long relationship that may have potentially scarred me or that's what I'd tricked myself into believing. Initially I felt it was too soon to date, although after becoming single I did have a few male friends that I texted and even had a few casual encounters with over the years. I mean damn, I've been officially single since 2013. However, it still doesn't give me the urge to want to date. I've mentally tricked myself into believing that dating automatically turns into a relationship. I missed the part about dating that was supposed to be fun and casual.
Again I can only speak for myself when it comes to my own reasons for why I date or not. I have mixed emotions about dating often. I don't go out on dates because I feel that every man has the same intentions or maybe I assume intended sex will be the end result for why we went on a date in the first place. Are there any men that just want to hang out and has the same intentions I have? I guess I will never know until I shake the idea of all men are the same.
Another reason I choose not to date is because the thought of getting to know some one new is hard for me. I am aware that all men are not the same, but when it comes to dating, what will make one person stand out from the other? It's my own fault half of the time because deep down inside I'm afraid to explore. As a single woman I shouldn't be afraid of companionship. Better yet, I shouldn't be afraid to step out and have fun. I always ask myself am I the only person dealing with my own repercussions because I have yet to step out of my own comfort zone?
Friday, October 7, 2016
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Snippets of me... Jamaica
It's morning here. I don't have an idea of what time it is right now. At home I have a built in alarm clock that normally wakes me up everyday at 3 am. The sun here has not risen yet. The sky is dark blue right now. It looks as if could still be night time. The view though from my patio is exquisite. The panoramic view of Jamaica's beach and palm trees are staring boldly in my face, with not enough words for me to explain this utterly beautiful scenery!
Sitting here in the chair with my gown, robe, and slippers on, lounging with my feet propped up on the other chair. The tropical birds sound different. They don't chirp and sound like the birds in California. They sound exotic. I inhale the warm humid air. It smells like ocean water. So far since I've been sitting out here I have only seen employees walking around the premises making preparations to the resort. It seems like they're working, maintaining the resort's upkeep, so it continues to remain immaculate for the residents staying here.
I can definitely see myself making this an annual vacation spot. For anyone that has not been to Jamaica, I recommend every one should go at least one time in their life. Not because it's a beautiful amazing place to vacation, but to have the experience under their belt. There's so much knowledge, history, and culture in Jamaica. Everyone seems to have a genuine soul here, I mean everyone.
The plane ride here was long. I felt anxious inside, but humble. I feel that every one I came encounter with prior to my arrival here, was merely preparation and a part of God's plan. I'm here in Jamaica because I'm supposed to be here. God would't have had it any other way, or at least that's how I feel about my presence here. Everything in life happens for a reason. I've met some pretty amazing people on my journey here so far.
I feel good all over. I've been smoking by myself, reflecting, and writing since I've been out here on the patio. With each exhale that follows my inhale, I like to think that I'm blowing out all of yesterday's bullshit. There is no need to hold on to life's problems, shit blow them out and breathe. I wish that I could apply that advice to my life when I'm at home. Breath and live your life the way that God has intended for you to live. I'm still learning, but with each experience, I've grown. I'm still growing. I'm blowing out the negativity that was never meant to enter my body in the first place. During my period of growth, my life is going through a metamorphosis. I am a caterpillar forming into a butterfly.
With my current fascination of this beautiful view, my love for this peaceful moment, I can't think of any troubles I may be having back home. I left them at home in California.
The sky is finally lighting up. The sun is slowly rising on the ocean's water. I feel a sense of calmness here. The reflection of the sun is orange on top of the blue water. My view is mesmerizing. I'm in tropical bliss. The clouds float by, each with it's own unique shape and size. Although it's brighter outside, I still don't know what time it is. Hell, I don't know what my face is looking like either. I didn't wash off my mascara and eyeliner before I went to sleep. Last night my main goal was getting under the covers and successfully closing my eyes.
I'm not sure what plans we have in store for today because we barely touched down yesterday evening. All that I know is I am determined to make the best of this experience. So far I am loving it here. So with that being said enjoy every moment in life whether it is good or bad. Learn from each experience and continue to grow. Step out on faith and remain optimistic. Life is not always gonna be easy however I
am focused and determined to lead a joyous life. These are snippets of me... Ms. Johnson's universe while in Jamaica.
Sitting here in the chair with my gown, robe, and slippers on, lounging with my feet propped up on the other chair. The tropical birds sound different. They don't chirp and sound like the birds in California. They sound exotic. I inhale the warm humid air. It smells like ocean water. So far since I've been sitting out here I have only seen employees walking around the premises making preparations to the resort. It seems like they're working, maintaining the resort's upkeep, so it continues to remain immaculate for the residents staying here.
I can definitely see myself making this an annual vacation spot. For anyone that has not been to Jamaica, I recommend every one should go at least one time in their life. Not because it's a beautiful amazing place to vacation, but to have the experience under their belt. There's so much knowledge, history, and culture in Jamaica. Everyone seems to have a genuine soul here, I mean everyone.
The plane ride here was long. I felt anxious inside, but humble. I feel that every one I came encounter with prior to my arrival here, was merely preparation and a part of God's plan. I'm here in Jamaica because I'm supposed to be here. God would't have had it any other way, or at least that's how I feel about my presence here. Everything in life happens for a reason. I've met some pretty amazing people on my journey here so far.
I feel good all over. I've been smoking by myself, reflecting, and writing since I've been out here on the patio. With each exhale that follows my inhale, I like to think that I'm blowing out all of yesterday's bullshit. There is no need to hold on to life's problems, shit blow them out and breathe. I wish that I could apply that advice to my life when I'm at home. Breath and live your life the way that God has intended for you to live. I'm still learning, but with each experience, I've grown. I'm still growing. I'm blowing out the negativity that was never meant to enter my body in the first place. During my period of growth, my life is going through a metamorphosis. I am a caterpillar forming into a butterfly.
With my current fascination of this beautiful view, my love for this peaceful moment, I can't think of any troubles I may be having back home. I left them at home in California.
The sky is finally lighting up. The sun is slowly rising on the ocean's water. I feel a sense of calmness here. The reflection of the sun is orange on top of the blue water. My view is mesmerizing. I'm in tropical bliss. The clouds float by, each with it's own unique shape and size. Although it's brighter outside, I still don't know what time it is. Hell, I don't know what my face is looking like either. I didn't wash off my mascara and eyeliner before I went to sleep. Last night my main goal was getting under the covers and successfully closing my eyes.
I'm not sure what plans we have in store for today because we barely touched down yesterday evening. All that I know is I am determined to make the best of this experience. So far I am loving it here. So with that being said enjoy every moment in life whether it is good or bad. Learn from each experience and continue to grow. Step out on faith and remain optimistic. Life is not always gonna be easy however I
Friday, July 3, 2015
Toxic Relationships
We often get in toxic relationships with family, friends, and significant others that we are not always aware of. After reading this confirms signs of being in a toxic relationship. They're so unhealthy! We may misconstrue the toxic behavior from our loved one(s) as love received from them, yet at times we ignore that it's unhealthy for us. As it states that it is ok to love from a distance. I believe that it's what a lot of us may need to do to gain a healthy happy life for ourselves!
http://pinterest.com/pin/466685580113933282/?s=3&m=blogger
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Check it out!
Check out @ewoodelhefe's Tweet: https://twitter.com/ewoodelhefe/status/612473801943547904?s=09
Yes.
Make this year your best year ever! 5 resolutions that everyone can do to have a better year! - http://pinterest.com/pin/AQpSdF47VNz2MegMEEVOb2I9uITqbIy9aHNUo9k2R7jBf7KVNOfKAEk/?s=3&m=blogger
Monday, June 15, 2015
I love shoes!
A lot of the time I want to be comfortable yet feel cute at the same time. I love wedges because they provide lots of stability for novice heel wearers.
Coral wedges - super cute - http://pinterest.com/pin/412923859562500773/?s=3&m=blogger
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